A Reaction to the Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Read

If you’re not familiar with Tracy Anderson, consider yourself blessed. If you are, you probably know that she is probably one of the worst influences to come out of the fitness industry since the advent of “finger down throat for reps”. Besides being a woman of questionable business practices, she also happens to be Gwenyth Paltrow’s trainer, which unfortunately, gives her terrible advice more weight. Because nothing bad happens when you combine dense with denser.

Anderson has built a reputation off of the idea that women can absolutely transform their bodies (the word “physiques” would be too harsh of a term and too masculine, as far as she is concerned) through fad eating and ridiculous exercise (I won’t even call it “training”, because it isn’t) with dumbbells that only come in rainbow colors. Anything over 2kg will make a woman “bulky,” she says.

But because that wasn’t stupid enough, she absolutely had to offer something for the men. Because why have strong shoulders, a big chest and well developed extremities when you can look frail and emaciated? Hell, maybe you and your wife could share the same skinny jeans!

The interview that was recently published (which you can read here if you have free time and too high of an IQ) touting her new mens’ program is literally a minefield of stupidity, and here are some of the worst verbal explosions.

I did a five-year research study with 150 women and measured them every 10 days and I created original content and sequencing for each of them and navigated them.

Yet you follow it up with this gem – “I wasn’t measuring BMI or typical measurements. I was measuring based on the idea of how to create balance where there is imbalance in the body.”  So basically, you didn’t measure anything.  That is, if anybody actually buys into the idea that you got 150 women to see you at least every 10 days for 5 years straight in a small town in Indiana.

…I’m smart about what I eat. If I ate a tablespoon of Yak Butter, which has 800 calories in it, or if I drank a diet soda – what would happen? If you asked 100 people in the middle of America the following question – “Will I gain more weight if I ate a tablespoon of Yak Butter or drank a soda?” – unanimously they would say Yak Butter. But they’re wrong. Your body has no idea what the hell to do with the soda, so this floats through your body, and it stores it as inflammation, which is a very important word that needs to be understood correctly.

Holy crap, where to start.  First, 800 CALORIES IN ONE TABLESPOON OF YAK BUTTER?  That’s pretty interesting, since, unless that butter has the density of lead, a tablespoon of any butter is typically around 10-15g in total weight, meaning the MAXIMUM amount of fat it could contain would be 15g.  15g of fat x 9 calories per gram = 135 calories.  Most butter sits right around 100 calories per tablespoon.  Nice lack of even basic nutritional understanding for somebody who is supposed to be a “world renowned guru.”

Second, I literally feel like the principal from Billy Madison after reading the second half of that statement.  Inflammation is not a “thing”, it is a symptom, a diagnosis.  This is like saying that “now Robbie can’t see because his diet was too high in blindness.”  So yes, you are correct, inflammation does need to be understood correctly; unfortunately for you, you may as well have just tossed a bunch of Scrabble tiles into a blender and typed what came out, because you have no idea what you are saying.

Men want to be panthers. They want to be machines that function. Right now, it’s all about being ‘skinny ripped’ – you want to look good in a tailored suit. It’s important for men not to overdevelop.

Just… where’s the Tylenol?

Men and women are very different. Men go through one hormonal change in their life, women go through at least four…

I think somebody wasn’t paying attention during sex ed… or physiology… or your nutrition courses… or… never mind, you’re obviously just joking.  Where’s Ashton Kutcher hiding?